up and almost at 'em

It would figure, wouldn't it, that on my first day back at full speed after last week's slowdown, our business cards would show up in the mail. As soon as I saw the box, I felt it - a physical tensing up, almost like I was preparing for another round of overdoing and burnout. I'd never noticed it before, but it was unmistakable - I was excited to see them, but there was also a feeling of, "Oh, no. Here we go." The all or nothing pattern is strongly ingrained into my entire being, I guess. It's almost like the reaction, as well as the actions themselves, have become habit.

I'm glad I caught it in that moment, because it showed me how much I'm really in need of balance in my approach. My default mode is either overdoing or not doing at all, planning to the "nth" degree or completely forgetting, fully charged or completely burned out and discouraged. While I've improved substantially, feeling myself prepare and flinch upon taking that package out of the mailbox showed me how much more I need to open up to a new way of going about my day to day affairs. Just like a less-rigid, yet thought out, approach has been of immense benefit to my yoga practice, the same could be as beneficial off the mat. (That's a lesson I'll probably learn, over and over, for the rest of my life.)

So before I dive back into planning and scheming for our new business, I'm going to devote time to figuring how I can best achieve ever-so-elusive balance. What might I, for instance, be lacking that could cause me to go so full throttle I make myself sick? What might I need more or less of that would help me feel truly satisfied and at peace at the end of a day? Off to make some avocado rolls and green tea and mull this over a bit.