svadhya....huh? where was i?

I have a tendency, a big one, to overanalyze things and completely zizz myself out. Truth: I am a very analytical Type A personality with ADD who suffers from anxiety that will, if left unchecked, spiral into epic panic attacks. This...looking for a sarcastic descriptive phrase....symposium of goodness means that I struggle a bit with self-study, svadhyaya. I'll stress over not being able to focus, or focus so hard on getting my self-study right that I stress all over again. I'll analyze things, wondering why they happened and why I allowed them to happen and so forth, until I zip myself into needing a Hyland's Calms. (And, yes, I do have a therapist, thanks!) After writing about my yogier-than-thou phase, searching back over the various parts of my pre-injury/illness practice and trying to figure out the the reason behind the psychology of that time, I re-stumbled upon something that totally derailed that weighty process. (Good thing, since I was doing "that thing I do" and starting to give myself a migraine by picking it all to death.)

A fun, pink-and-leopard-print surprise popped out of some old podcasts I uncovered while transferring my backed-up music into iTunes on my new computer, Kimberly Wilson's Hip Tranquil Chick. I see my copy of the Hip Tranquil Chick book every day, and maintain a subscription to the podcast (now called Tranquility du Jour), but hadn't perused the older episodes since my initial encounter. That was Fall 2006, I was about to make a glorious mistake in marrying a handsome *nevermind*, and I found the link to the Hip Tranquil Chick blog through Googling something about yoga and women. Downloaded every episode, put them on my iPod, and listened over and over again. After making my mistake (ahem) official and becoming a harried little homemaker, for a while I listened to that podcast over a cup of pomegranate-goji berry green tea every day after lunch. It was something I didn't need to structure or apply effort to that was incredibly beneficial, a nice little hit of inspiration, empowerment, and fun that carried over into my everyday life with my hardly realizing it. (I'm all about glittery gel pens and using my Hello Kitty-covered PlannerPad as a sort of visual journal. And it's all Kimberly's fault. haha)

At first, I chastised myself for being distracted by a podcast as I nailed my attention back to my oh-so-serious backtracking. But then I started to look through the episodes, having instance after instance of, "Oh! I remember that one!". I got my copy of Hip Tranquil Chick back out and started reading it again, and took up my old habit of listening to an episode of the podcast every day. And I realized something through this rediscovery: Distractions, out-of-the-blue thoughts or memories that seem completely unrelated, can be an essential part of the process, as backwards as that may sound. I realized that sometimes what's pereceived as a distraction during the process of self study can actually be a pointer towards something that will help you find what you're looking for, or it can be a signal that you've done the work you need to do for the time being - if you back away a bit, you'll arrive at your answer (or vice versa).

The answer I was looking for? Down time is your friend, and I know that, but I have issues embracing the concept - a good chunk of the reason behind the yoga overkill I referenced ealier. If you don't chill and enjoy your life, you don't reap the full benefits of your practice. Simple, yes, but a huge realization for me. (And as a bonus, I've rediscovered a great source of of advice and inspiration at the perfect time - new husband, new home, new life, new blog, gearing towards a new business....*yeah*.)


One more thing: Before I jot out of here and completely forget to tell you - Kimberly Wilson has a new book out, Tranquilista, that I'm planning to devour in short order. Can't wait!

And just in case you didn't believe me about the Hello Kitty PlannerPad:



(Oh, yeah. I've got the Hello Kitty sickness, and I'm proud of it.)